MLB Steroids: The Purge

*** Previously posted, but suddenly relevant again***

It is time to make a choice.

Do we want baseball to be a genuine competition between genuine athletes?

Or, do we want to be entertained by mountain-sized men that turn their sometimes perfectly athletic bodies into science experiments?

Right now It appears we’re going with both.

Your parents were right when they told you that life isn’t fair, but does that mean you should never TRY to make it fair? Especially in sports, and right now there is nothing fair about sending mixed messages to athletes and fans about the effect of steroids on your sport.

It’s naive of me to think an entire fan base and the governing bodies of a sport are going to come together in agreement on an issue this murky, but with the tiny bit of young un-crushed optimism I have left, I submit to you; a “What if?”

Purity is never going to happen. I understand that, but right now the risk is (apparently) still worth the reward when it comes to performance enhancing drugs.

Ryan Braun bet his LIFE that such a substance never entered his body… Maybe it is time we make him pay up?

Ok, a death sentence is a little much, but first time offenders get a 50-game ban which might be proving to be a little bit on the light side.

Reports surfacing late last night appear to implicate that 20 players (17 on MLB rosters) may have thought 50 games was worth the risk. Among them is Braun, the 2011 MVP who skipped out of his punishment by the baseball “technicality” version of “if the glove don’t fit.” Much like O.J. Simpspon, it appears Braun couldn’t keep his nose clean and might be getting clipped for real this time, assuming his urine sample was handled correctly.

WAIT! The Death sentence! Not a literal one, but Braun bet his life, let’s make it his baseball life. If the reports are true he just embarrassed Major League Baseball.. again

WHAT IF you make every player take that same bet? You’re never going to catch up to the science of it all, but making steroids a game of Russian baseball roulette (baseketball?) you can at least say you’re doing all you can to rid the game of it with a straight face.

That would send quite a message!

That rumble you hear is the Players Association laughing me.

Consider my optimism crushed.

So now there is option “B.” Just open the flood gates and in the words of the great Dr. Tobias Funke “Let the Great experiment Begin!”

You’re never going to catch up to the PEDs so you know what they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!

At least if this were the case, the information is out there and you’ve put everybody back on the same playing field. Sort of. It would depend on how mad your mad scientist is. It’s not quite professional wrestling, but in it’s own way it would be a freak show.

Is that what we want as paying costumers? I can’t answer that on my own, but if the entertainment is worth it to you and the players are allowed and willing to risk their bodies (or not risk their bodies? I am not an expert on steroids) then have at it.

Oh, and if the players are still allowing owners to fill-up ballparks and vend their delicious meat treats (also made by mad scientists).

What about all this stuff they’re taking that is legal? How thin is the line between banned and legal? If you take out restrictions on PEDs is the game going to change that much? Their bodies still have to be able to run bases and catch pop-ups. Right? I mean, not everybody is going to hit a home run every time. You still have to hit the ball, if nobody has told you.

Shhhh, keep this a secret though, because it’s still illegal outside of baseball.

Who is with me!? Let’s end this once and for all! We’re going one way or the other and it’s time for the MLB to choose!

You’re just going to stay in the muck and keep half halfheartedly slapping offenders on the wrist?

Ok, well we’ll just sit here and take it then. Like always.

 


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